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没有路的地方，竟是天堂会飞的不一定是天使，也有可能是鸟人
September 10 那么多那么多安静的躺在Becky的公主床上，听伦敦的风张扬霸道，生怕折损了这城市的威风似的。有时候我也会因为这种霸道而怯懦起来，不敢迎风向前，至少不敢大睁着眼睛。胆小鬼。
终于毕业了，一年，如果论文顺利通过，这个硕士就算是读完了。终于结束了什么都可以慢半拍的学生时代，那些无关渴望，无关虚华的年华也终于在一片轰轰烈烈的自我称颂和嘲讽中度过了。再举手间，我便已失去胡作非为再扬长而去的骄傲。交罢论文，和陈同学想了好多未来，不完美，也无捷径，但是每一条都是蜜月旅行般的形影不离，这于我已是最欢喜。
订了1月13号回国的票，毕业典礼之后的春节。先到香港，然后广东，再到北京，2月20号回英继续我们漫长的异乡生活。有了具体的日子作为期待，好像回国也就不再是那么奢侈的事情。这几天格外想念猪肉炖豆角，酸辣土豆丝和烧茄子，还有超市里码得得整整齐齐的鲜橙多。还忽然想起服务楼里散装卖的豆豆和山楂汉堡。嗯，还有冰糖葫芦和煎饼果子。哦，豆腐脑和稻香村。咸鸭蛋。水煮鱼。麻花（仅限爸爸做的）。转又想到不知道买给妈妈的钱包她是不是还没舍得用，爸爸的t-shirt有没有在穿。这次回去就要全体亲友的阵容来买礼物了。欢迎预约。
猪一般的生活明天结束~不知道陈小屁同学这几天是不是相思成灾寝食难安了，回去拯救一下。 April 01 牙牙学语这是怎样忽然的冲动，拨开蜘蛛网，空间里的，还有心上的。
在数场离别中幸免之后，投入到了更繁忙的相聚中，许多看似巧合的注定如期而至。
至于怎样被那样的一个微笑拯救而获得重生，总之是欢天喜地，于是不求甚解。
生活被一些琐碎连接成一片，看似微不足道却自知爬出了深不见底的泥淖，看到了整片天空，值得嘉奖的进步。
在中餐馆做苦工，想把浪费在发呆的时间继续浪费在出游上，明知在途中仍是发呆和做梦对半。
然后是三万五千字的英文论文，扫兴但核心。
三月谢幕，慵懒，真实，还有期待。
总有那样一些相聚，不过数月，但想说可不可以不离别，可不可以百年。因自知这次恐怕难以幸免。
家远在千里
诚然思念仍日益临近
你缝补好我心上的风口
就连那旧日的回音都奈我不得
是你要我明了
家也近在咫尺
November 18 冬令最近所有的梦，都与家有关。可能季节作祟。 不屑与自己对话有关思念，一如既往的称之为可耻，却在这样的骗局里变得越来越清醒。所谓寂寞，就是繁花从天而降，想要雀跃，却转念想不出为何，又或是落叶沙沙作响，想要倾听，却自知读不懂密语。原来我是那样沉迷于去讨好身边我想要守护好的人，想要奉献全部的浪漫，功利又不择手段。现在好了，终于发现自己原本不是浪漫的人。乏味，疲惫，空洞。放弃守护，浪漫的伪装卸下，繁花落叶又与我何干。 这场戏，没有了独白，亦无默剧的深长。剧本恶劣，布景粗糙，舞者，缺席。
上个冬天，追随我千里之外，处心积虑的钻进了我的行囊。 September 27 reply1、你认为分手后的男女朋友还能做普通朋友吗？ it depends on whether we were friends before or not 2、你怎么知道自己喜欢一个人？ if i want to spend more time with him 3、你最希望从朋友（不包括爱人）那里得到的是什么？ caring 4、最想去哪个地方？为什么？ Paris (same as my sweety) 5、最受不了自己的哪个缺点？ Greedy on eating, no ambition on everything 6、认为自己最大的优点是什么？ Kindness, sincere 7、相信纯真的爱情么？ sure 8、你最喜欢的狗狗是什么？ puppy 9、相信因为爱好而结识的友情么？ of course 10、说出点你名的人的3个优点（不可删除题） generous,self-confident 11、最想珍惜的人/事是什么？ BFF(best friend forever) 12、爱人和被人爱，哪一种更幸福？ be loved 13、在烦闷的时候你如何排解？ watching movies, eating and crying 14、什么样的异性会比较容易吸引你？ those who knows what i am thingking about 15、对于一些自己不能认同的观念，有什么看法，或者说你的反应是什么？ depends on whom i am arguing with 16、目前最大的愿望是什么？ get a debit card and credit card from Natwest bank 17、你最受不了什么样的男人和女人？ Men: liars women: selfish 18、最想要的生日礼物是什么？ blessing from people i love 19、最近，最郁闷的事是什么？ cold 20、觉得男女之间有纯友谊吗？ sure
删除的题目： 对于一些自己不能认同的观念，有什么看法，或者说你的反应是什么？
it is hard to say
July 27 没有再典型的流水账了多可怜啊，跟随我一年的25块的实用型大黑包终于光荣下岗了，拉链坏了天天咧着嘴，一副我亏待他的样子。也是，雨伞，饭盒，教材，笔袋，化妆品，ipod，手机。它已经是万能了。去牛津街想买个新的，舍不得钱，最便宜的大包也要10胖子，可以吃好几顿饭呢~唉。想起在昌平时的风光，生日的时候请10多个人吃饭还不到200，在这边一顿就没了，还没吃着啥。后来和becky分别喜欢上一件外套，都是70胖子，becky说他要买，我说我要打电话和我妈商量一下……
回来的时候在地铁上有个老外主动跟我说话，帮我练口语了。我让他猜我是哪人，他先说了个美国，把我美坏了，说明我有美国口音~接着又说新加坡，我也挺高兴，官方语言是英语阿~接着就猜日本了，我就不作评论了~最后终于说到了香港，我沉不住气了就告诉他是北京~他说他去过北京三次，喜欢吃的~我心说比你们这疙瘩强多了，天天就知道吃面包夹片奶酪，什么东西都和点酱，好不容易有点蔬菜一颗小白菜要你一镑还是半价了……
不行，我要控制情绪。控制。 July 19 i am a dead body¬技能拓展课从阅读改成了法律英语，绝望从英语蔓延至拉丁文~感觉自己的尸体无声地漂浮在安静的法律之河~就像众多的小鱼小虾一样~没有人扔粽子~也没有人把我捞出来~只有等待~~ July 17 蹭吃蹭喝还有人接送的日子今天的心情不好，可能是因为八周的学生们来了，压力又多了一些~不过一直都不抱太大希望，只有尽力而为~阅读和听力都错了咸蛋超人的两倍，但是已经十分满意了~写作还是像幼儿园看图说话，但是好歹开始写了我考场作文以外的开山处女之作~想来也是可喜可贺的事情~ 昨晚接妈妈的电话，横得像好几天没磨牙的老鼠，还跟她说，多讲一分钟就要少睡一分钟，结果妈妈一下就把电话挂掉了，不知道她是生气了，还是真的希望我能多睡一分钟。不管是前者还是后者，都足以令我愧疚。现在开始学会，在想要依靠什么的时候，走开。 都说国外的月亮都比中国的圆。在这里看不到月亮。没有见到过。 这般风景，纵不为我明媚，无暇放歌也无须叹/ 这般情怀，纵不能共消受，无暇赏玩也无须散/ Sad today. Maybe the 8-week-course students were here, so much more pressure on me~But hopelessness is better sometime, for you have to try your best~Reading and Listening got 10 and 8 mistakes respectively which are twice of Dan's, however, it was not a bad result already for me~Writing still looked like a 'writing by way of pictures' for kids, but the good new was that I eventually got my foot on my virgin writing~Congratulations, me~ Got the phone call from mum last night, nasty like a rat without grinding its teeth for a long time. I didn't talk reason, 'One more min talk to you, one less min sleep in bed '. After these rude words out of my mouth, she hung up the phone with no negotiation. I didn't know whether she was angry or not; or just saved time for my sleep. It made me guilty enough no matter what the reason was. Maybe I just started to learn how to leave when I didn't want to. People say the moon's full outside of China. No, there is no moon in London. At least I never saw it. Such view, even if cloudy, no need chant or sigh; Such feeling , even if alone, no need gather or bye. July 14 I am hot, you are sweet~东伦敦游真好，算是有史以来最开心的一次社会课程了~伦敦东部的利物浦地区，是犹太人，印度人等舶来客的聚居地，有很漂亮的头顶星月的伊斯兰教堂和浑身纯白的天主教堂~我们还去了一家小型的医学博物馆，还有附近的一家商品市场~规模也就和我们家后面菜市场差不多吧，水准跟诺丁山没法比啊~后来和jon还有sora去了一家摇滚酒吧，底层是清吧，上面一层的摇滚乐团有演出任务，正在加紧练习~我拿了些免费的明信片回来给呼天抢地却不能来的宝贝becky~我给坐在同桌的朋友们作了谈话课上的测试，结果和我的完全不同也就罢了，竟然还集体把我教育了一顿，还引经据典加假设猜想~其实在很多时候在朋友交谈，就一个话题互相盘绕到顶峰，不得不争出高下的时候，我总是最先退让的那一个。其实心里面有100个不被说服的理由，但还是会说：那我认输好了。也许这是性格中的弱点，思想的交锋往往会让双方都到达不曾经历的境地，但是还是喜欢傻乎乎的自己，慢半拍，被嘲笑，做笨人很好~只要不是笨到跟坏人一样的级别~不过可能也快了~ 超级感动是Boeing和Ganji一直把我送上地铁，说如果不送我肯定一晚上都搭在地铁里了~多幸福的笨蛋啊~ Easten
London tour was the most happiest social program i had ever had~ Liverpool，located in East of London , is the habitant of immigrants who are Jews and Indians. There was a very beautiful Mosque with the moon and star decorated on the dome and a Roman Catholic Church in the pure milk color ~ We also went to a small medical museum and a market near the Liverpool Station. It was as small as the farm market next to my home in China and nothing better than Notting Hill Gate~ Later we got to a rock bar with Jon and Sora which is quiet downstairs and actually a rock band practicing for the performance upstairs. I took some free postcards for my baby Becky who might be desperate for her absence ~ The personality test in our conversation class became the main topic on the table. What I have to say is different people are different. Addition to the truth about difference, I also got a lesson with the vivid examples and the quotation to classics~Everyone tried their best to make me understand I was wrong~ The fact is that in the conversations with friends, when the opposite opinions twisted up to a peak, i am always the one who quit first. To be frank, there are 100 reasons for me to persuade myself insist on my points, but i still say : I lose. Perhaps this is the weakness of my character. The argument between different ideas always bring the valuable enlightenment. Yet I prefer the foolish and slow me, it is never that shame to be laughed at~As long as not stupid to reach the level as a terrible person~ but maybe almost~ Super moved by Boeing and Ganji~sending me to the tube and repeating as "If we don't ,u must be lost in the tube till tomorrow morning"~I am a stupid but lucky girl~ July 13 醉意今天没有自己开伙，跑去schafar house蹭饭去了~Becky亲自下厨做了培根意大利面，G的红烧肉从中午就开始惦记着~我这点出息啊~离奇的是在我还没有吃完的时候，话题逐渐由美味新鲜的食物转为法医学，继而聚焦最惨不忍睹的死法和恶心恐怖电影~蛋一脸可掬的笑容，Becky不露声色，G竟然目光朦胧充满诗情画意~看来只有我是正常人~我是正常人~ 正常人后来心血来潮去给了Boeing一个惊喜，跑到他宿舍门口叫嚣~他穿着“粪”的T-shirt，唤起了我们美好的回忆~ 回去的路上，三个只带了钥匙的小孩送我，我们有一搭没一搭的说着话，傻乎乎的盯着橱窗里面的家具，就只差像小朋友把脸贴在玻璃上造出个人形了~伦敦天空上的云很美，雨恹恹的时节灰着脸，傍晚的时候却浓妆艳抹，步伐也格外的快，盯住天空就能感觉到时间的流逝是华丽的幻术，绚丽却无情。但还是喜欢这样悠闲的散步，嘲笑自己没有云快，又一边游荡好像是这世界上最无忧无虑的人。或许我不是个可以积极面对生活中所有苦难的人，我将眼泪留给圣母那只无底的杯子，自己却调了美酒享受唇齿留香的惬意~或许有一天我将尝尽那杯中自己的苦楚泪水，但此刻却依然侥幸可以从宿醉中清醒，因为我还年轻，我还有大把的青春~又开始胡思乱想了。 明天的社会课程是东伦敦游，伦敦最乱和最古老的地区，有很多穷人和坏人，但是也是小贝出生的地方，难得有老师带着值得一游~希望明天可以有很多好玩的东西看~后天也就心甘情愿的在家里看书了~翠翠的生日~因为时差问题在我想起来的时候已经过了~罪恶感中~来了一个月了，想妈妈了，女人总是很唠叨，Andy如是说~唠叨我吧~妈~算了还是不要了~我怎么会有这种要求呢~ 醉了醉了。 I didn't cook but went to the schafar house enjoying a free dinner instead tonight~Becky cooked bacon pasta like a real chef and Gan's bouilli can not be took out of mind the whole afternoon~am i good-for-nothing?or not~The "amazing" thing was that the table topic dropped into the experience of medical jurisprudence and horror films from tasty food, then focused on cruelty of dead bodies~Dan smiled gracely, and Becky enjoyed them without batting an eyelid. Also Ganji astonished me a lot with gentleness and mildness in his eyes~Only me a normal person~only me~ This normal person decided to surprise Boeing before she left. Beoing wore the "糞" T-shirt when he opened the door which waked our beautiful memories up~ These three kids sent me to the station with keys only~we talked easily and wondered the fancy furnishings in the shopwindow, and almost sticked our faces to the window like the kindergarten-children and left a face shape there~The cloudy like beauty wandered freely. Rainy season made it low-key, but cannot stop it dress up in such fine evening~Staring at the sky, you can feel the time going by like a diaphanous dreams of glory~Can not help to fall in love with loitering as the most happiest person in the world~Perhaps I am not the one who can self-save from the pain and suffering. I left the tear into the grail of the Virgin Mary and enjoy the luscious wine even the rest on my lips~Maybe I will taste the most bitter drink some day, but I still young~Moon away a whole night~ The social programme aims Eastern London which is the oldest and the most unsafe area with a great number of impoverished people~but also the place where Beckham was born at~I hope there will be lots of fun so that I will be most willing to study at home the whole weekend~Cuicui's birthday~I already missed that because of time difference~guilty~what i am thinking about? I haven't been nagged by mum for 1 month~Mum~nag me~~what i am talking about!! so drunk~ July 12 lllllaaaaazzzzzzyyyyy 昨天被Nyshan威胁，如果不请他吃pizza的话，就要把我在自习室睡着的照片公开~我说公开好了~我不怕~中国人天性大度~呵呵，在我的英勇不屈下，他反倒要请我吃pizza作为威胁我的补偿~但是今天中午一下课就急忙跑去做speaking课上的小组演讲讨论~把pizza的事忘了一个干净~真是太对不起组织对不起群众了~以上是我今天最后悔的事~ 晚上和Daisuke和宋茜还有一个哈尔滨的妹妹一起去看aacollege的建筑设计展。实在是看不懂啊，但是建筑这东西真的是很巧妙，能带给人很多启发，是艺术充分融入生活的最佳途径~如果还有选择的机会，我一定不会学法律，既枯燥又难学，英语要求还这么高！ Boeing还在紧张他的小组讨论，他的搭档，那个伊拉克的女孩失踪了好几天~我家亲爱的和他准备的是同一个题目~我也刚把我要准备的题目考回家了，周末看好了~终于吃完了晚饭~自从舅妈和弟弟走了之后，就没有在9点钱吃上饭过~真是凄楚~明天要早点回家做点好吃的犒劳自己~还说今天去中国城呢，也都没去~懒啊~还想去披头士的修道院大街呢，还有哈里波特的9又4分之3站台~都没去呢~我怎么懒成这样了呢………… Yesterday, Nyshan threaten me that if i don't treat him dinner next day, he would send the pictures about me having a nap in SAC to our class~i said it was great and just do it~Chinese are always of a generous nature~hehe, Nyshan finally yield to my courage and promised buy me dinner as pizza ~The ridiculous thing is i forget the pizza deal and went to the speaking presentation directly~sorry to my Party and People~Seeing above, huge regret ever~ At evening, Daisuke, songqian , a haerbin girl and i went to an architecture exhibition in AAcollege~AA is known as the mega of architecture in whole Europe~but it is really beyond my depth to understand~architecture as the mysterious symbols gives the granite enlightenment to people who realized the real artistic should melt into life. if there is any chance to make a choice again, i will study other majors instead of the Law which is so boring and difficult~and high English level required! Boeing was nervous about his seminar on Friday~his partner, the beautiful girl from Iraq, disappeared for couple days ago~Luckily my darling prepared the same topic in another class, so they shared their ideas together~I just copied mine from SAC today, maybe i should have a look this weekend~:) Finishing my supper 5 mins ago, i can't help to blame the damned life after Aunt and David leaving~I wish i could have supper before 9 pm~how mournful i am~i decide to get home earlier and cook a big meal for myself tomorrow~God help me!China town? no~lazy~Beatle's Abbey road? no~still lazy~Harry Potter's platform 9 3/4?no~what a lazy girl i am! July 10 going home今天早上一睁开眼，我就知道这一天也就是这样了。想了半天，我实在想不出让我去上课的理由~真是一点动力都没给我剩下啊~磨磨蹭蹭把单独教导时间给错过去了~快十点才到还大言不惭地连借口都没编一个~不过真的很幸运有Andy这样的老师，跟着他上课心情好很多，也很喜欢他的发音，很标准，声音也很有磁性~中午和郭同学跟Andy聊了很久，说到怎么练习口语，Andy又提到了让我找个本地男友，还说：“我没有开玩笑，我说真的。”我还是基本上哭笑不得，说我们没有机会认识本地人，他就说你们可以去pub啊，酒吧啊什么的，我就更加哭笑不得了。他还跟我们说了他六个月速成西班牙语的经历，传奇总是非常鼓舞人的~虽然达到75%的要求是太难了，但是一步一步走到现在，也只能一直走下去，无论结果怎样，伦敦的经历对于我来说始终都是成长~天又阴下来，回来的路上我听着什么都舍得~ “为了看你多一次微笑，什么都舍得”。是啊，什么都舍得。脚步很快，回家是不需要想理由的。 From the moment opening my eyes, I realize nothing would be changed today. Thinking about it for a while, no reason could be found to encourage me to go to school~Nothing incentive left even a little bit~ Dillydally, i missed the tutorial time without giving any sorry words. However, it is so lucky to have a tutor as Andy who always made me recover from depression~I like his standard pronounciation and attractive voice~Raymond and I talked with Andy the whole noon about how to improve the oral English~His advice still was dating with the native boy, and he added:"it is not a joke,i am serious". i told him with a crying smile that we didn't have any chance to know someone~He answered:"why not going to the pub and bar?"I finally smiling cry~Anyway, his own experience about learning Spanish was really inspiring~Maybe the legends are always tempting~Although the 75% is too difficult to achieve, the only way is going forward~Whatever the result may be, I was shaped as a grown-up here~Cloudy again on the way home~listening to the song named"giving everything up". the lyric like: "for see your smile once more, I will give everything up" yes, i can give it up. Faster and faster, there is no reason needed for going home. July 09 :)今天是幸福的一天~请笑寒、甘霁、Boeing和Tak到家里来~感觉伦敦是为了这样轻松温暖的聚会而晴朗的~虽然连一道像样的菜都做不出来，还被嘲笑一定嫁不出去，特别是嫁给中国人、日本人、泰国人和英国人。但是今天吃到了很多美食，就把所有的嫁不出去都忘到一边了，终于体会到有一个巨大的胃有时也不是坏事~把所有碗筷刀叉都拿出来用，在厨房里进进出出，用不同的语调发出真好吃的感叹，看洋葱被切的碎碎，看黄油在锅底融化，心头有种很饱满的感动和喜悦。因为我太久没有对抗孤单，而变成它奴仆的我，终于有了挣脱的力量。我会回到我的轨道上来，平稳行驶下去，中规中矩的，也许偶尔晚点，也许也会停运维修，但是不会再乱出状况找不到方向了~还是经常在路上想念北京的炎热，汗从毛孔里渗出来的变态的兴奋。但是伦敦也是好的，深沉如年逾中年的男子，优雅包容。珍惜这里的一切，珍惜前方，珍惜每一次晴好的天空，珍惜我所拥有的——你们还有你们还有你们。 it is a perfect happiness today~Invited Xiaohan, Ganji, Beoing and Tak to my house~Maybe the sun is shining for our relax and warm party:)~I was laughed as a girl who could not cook even the simplest dishes and boomed being abandoned out of the marriage, especially with Chinese, Japanese, Thai and British. But i forgot all of the "out-of-marriage" thing as soon as trying a great deal of delicacies, and realized finally that how wonderful it was to have the stomach with large size~Taking out all tableware, popping in and out of kitchen, telling "tasty" in different voices, tearing in the minced onions, making a fuss at the melt butter brought the fresh happiness into my life~Because of the weakness fighting with loneliness, i turned off to its slave. Now I am full of energy to break loose. I came back to my track stably and regularly although may be late or out of service sometimes. But i will never lose again. I should treasure all, the graceful rainbow, the generous sunshine and all I have so far----and you and you and you. July 06 It is a long long journeyTwo bombs in the centre of London were found these days¬¬We are in danger¬¬I am not sure that I will overcome all these disasters encounting in my life¬¬¬75% for the final exam?Pick up everything here not only the language but food and weird timetable?? Maybe it is they called 'destiny'. Facing all is my only way to go. So do not worry anymore,be happy¬¬But who can give me an answer to happiness??I miss the way i led my life, I miss the way you smile, I miss the way I smile.I miss the way they were. November 30 无隔壁班有个女孩离开了，军训的时候，她说不能没有辣，我回家时特地带了罐辣酱给她的那个瘦瘦的，不多话的女孩。 轻舞飞扬的病。 原以为那是种美，皮肤上有象蝴蝶的印记，优雅又别致。 其实死亡，诚实得让人发指。那些飞舞的，远不是什么朦胧之美，都是切切实实的恐惧和忧伤。 几多无常是生命。 把酒就言欢吧。 October 22 你 我 你们 我们我到老了，一定是个老顽固。
因为我现在就很顽固。 顽固的抓牢，不放松。
我不会让你们失去任何
启聃 三儿 听我的 你们是我的花园 我的根深埋土壤 肥沃是恩赐 我要幸福的生 让你们更满园鲜美 陶
我招摇着凡夫俗子的烙印 但我还有善良的朱痣 我们艰苦的吞咽这世上 粗糙的砂石 但总有一天 会历练出最晶莹的珍珠 你知道么 我们是那两片失散的贝壳 相聚 我
飞舞 举足 欢笑 老去 欢笑 举足 飞舞 你会懂得，我会解给你听 October 19 片断我有无数的泪，流给了不该流
我有无数的爱，全盘输给了浮华 我一无所有
我一无所有 我一无所有 我该睡
那许是最有益 于人于己 有一天
路到尽头 我仍未有真心 我可能是快乐的 麻木的快乐 相见是未有期
无论相约在几时几刻 于是便成守候 我心上已长了青苔 他嘲笑我的潮湿 尽管他以此为生 September 08 灰白黑我妈说我的表情特别冷漠，所以比较适合传媒什么颜色的衣服，灰色，白色，黑色，这样才不会格格不入。听说懒散的人，是连表情都懒的。
黑：还好我还没有懒到，关机，不接寝室电话，不发站内消息，没有qq留言，没有博客更新（悬~~），反正就是不做还活着的任何表现。可能刷夜的时候，qq留言什么的都是另要钱的，只有街头篮球可以随便玩。可能在他眼里我也只是一头爱吃的猪，不需要交流，只需要养就是了，而且没有良心，榨干最后一分钱。 特别的厉害。像我这样连生气都懒的人，也知道发生什么了。可能猪就是这样后知后觉。 白：今天和优跟亦陶吃了送别饭，北京街头又少了一个帅哥，我们无比失落的血洗五道口。不久的将来，也就是后天，又要回归于一片宁静，倒也有鱼要回海洋去的小窃喜。买了胜利和大吉的祝福小人，希望能够带来好运气！陶快点回来哈，到时候一天20块雇你跟旁边养眼！
灰：想卸下所有装备，越过高墙，潜入巨人的花园，只为再嗅到没有杂质的芬芳。巨人是自私的，但忽然理解了他，孩子怎么会懂他的柔软？我只想，再一次，回到那个夏天，百图的条文上衣，还有那个冬天，路边的粘住牙齿的关东糖，这一切如今都不再美丽和甜蜜。真想再毫无防备的笑，然后再笑自己的毫无防备，一边抱怨一边骄傲。 September 07 发病像老朽徘徊在来路，我真的是累了。原以为都可以稳定下来，原以为生活本没有什么愿不愿意，只有去不去做，原来并不是我所想，因为过日子不是一个人的事。 行了，随便吧！纵然我觉得遭受了万般羞辱，也只得咽了，被人厥又不是一次两次的事了。 回家路上碰到变态，妈我再也不一个人走夜路了。 看见颖子晓丹和优，心情不错。每次见到颖子我都像个话篓子，就知道不停的说自己的事情，每次都是回来的路上才后悔没有听听她，还好她幸福，那么我也快乐。对于我来说真正重要的那些，从来不曾走开；走掉的，都是不重要的。 咻，我现在不明白朋友到底是什么，我现在脑子很乱，也许就是不停的失望，仍再接再厉？我不是那么坚强的人，也不是那么坚韧的人，我现在对朋友的依赖是顶峰。我为什么非要依赖什么？太狗屎了！！我就不能做邪恶轴心，策划些损人利己的大事？？ 或许这需要天赋！！ September 05 ：）有一个多月没有更新了?几乎忘了自己还有过这个习惯了……没有记录的时光，真的有过么？自欺欺人ing……
报社实习，其间送过一次火车，去过一次金源，会过两次旧友，养成了早上在超市买红茶，中午在小区吃凉皮的好习惯。 在上海，第一次坐磁浮列车，第一次上到88层，第一次逛那么多街，吃那么多美食，我被物质愚弄，成为他的臣民，心甘情愿俯首，深感汗颜是后来的事。舅舅有工作，弟弟虽然还只是个小男人，但憎恶逛街的天性却已发展成熟，于是我做了上海之行最明智之举——找到了阿妙。两个女人，你知道，无穷。 回来这几天，京城已秋意乍现。回校，会友，欣赏别人的七夕，如果能闲庭信步，我的错过也是甘愿。一个人是漫长难耐的寂寞，两个人是震耳欲聋的喧嚣。我要如何感到，我又要如何感觉不到。我要如何站在这一端，告诉你我已宠辱不惊。
看从前的文字，我想我的生活已经不属于悲观。我没有那么厌恶自己了，即使歌不成歌。人说你的迷糊是种不可思议，表面上竟还是健全22岁女青年，我的在行在生活之外，却也有另一种收获。如果不断歌颂繁华，腐朽真的会迟来么。
你寻一个人，我只求一件裳，肤浅地不能再甚。想念，是否只因为纯熟？
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